I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
