Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
