Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
