suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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