respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
