You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
