We won't sleep together?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hippo gnu deer
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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