New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
