i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
