Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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