You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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