Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
