the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why do cheetos always look like penises
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
