the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
