Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
