What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
