Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
