Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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