it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
