I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
