I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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