Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
