Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
