I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize