Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
