gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
