You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
