I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She said her name was "party"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
