Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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