sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
