the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm passing your future prison.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
