He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
