I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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