I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
