My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
