I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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