Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
