Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
