I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
