Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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