I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
