I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
