at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
