It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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