That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
