my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
