I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
