seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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