biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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