Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
