My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
