you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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