we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
