You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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