Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
