I looked at my own cervix.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
