you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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