her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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