you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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