Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
