i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
