If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
