Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize