Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
