Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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