i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need to get me chipped asap
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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