The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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