all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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